Sunday, January 26, 2014

I'm proud, I'm lucky

I am so fucking proud of myself for graduating from college.

This week my spouse is going to be at a conference. He is about to meet an acquaintance I barely knew in undergrad. The acquaintance was a super nice person and I never had any unpleasant interactions with him. But just because he knew some of the same people that I did back then, he is a witness to a difficult time in my life. A humiliating time. I went straight from remembering how nice he is, to being afraid that he remembers some of the lowest points in my life, to feeling those low points like they are still happening.

Thankfully therapy has somewhat prepared me for these times when a trigger brings back a flood of dark feelings. Those feelings are real, but they aren’t the whole story.

I overcame unusual obstacles in college and was able to achieve academic success and grow as a person in spite of them. I am so proud of that.

Here’s a little overview of what I was up against when I showed up as a freshman: When I arrived in class my first day, I didn’t know that I should bring paper and writing utensils.