Friday, May 9, 2014

I'm my own mama

My mom said she is proud of me for knowing how to call a taxi. That's right folks, I can magic taxis out of thin air with my cell phone.

Sometimes I am so angry at how poorly my parents prepared me to function as an adult in the world. It can feel like they intentionally made me ignorant to control me. But you can't teach people stuff that you yourself don't know.

I am now the person in the relationship who knows how to do grown-up things, simple and complex, transactional and relational.

It's something to think about when Mother's Day rolls around and I am expected by my family and society to be full of genuine gratitude. (My dad texted to remind me to acknowledge the holiday. No sense that this might be asking a bit much.) Of course I am tired of pretending with my parents that I didn't have to step in and fill a large gap of knowledge about how to interact with the world and be well in it. I have had to learn to mother myself. It was hard work. It is hard work.

But it was nice of her to acknowledge that accomplishment in a small way, and feel that she was impressed.

Happy Mother's Day to me, for all the ways this year that I have been a good mother to myself.
And Happy Mother's Day to my mom, who is really trying.