I remember all of them

People who tried to help? I remember all of them.

1.  My aunt is a nurse. She gave us vaccinations in the living room at my grandmother's house when she found out that we weren't getting them. She tried to reinforce basic health information for us like washing your hands after you use the bathroom. The way she did it, though, was to catch us and ask on the way out of the bathroom in front of everyone, not to tell us before we went in. Maybe she didn't realize until then that we didn't know. She would tell us very pointedly that she loved us every time we saw her, but then we wouldn't see or hear from her for 11 months out of the year. Probably because she was single mom with four kids and had her own shit to worry about. My mom hates her.

2.  There was some kind of counselor who attended our church and worked with prisoners. I was at an alternative Halloween party where Christians gave candy to Christian kids so they wouldn't go out trick-or-treating. He noticed that I was just kind of standing there, probably overwhelmed by all the bustle and not knowing anyone, and started gently checking in with me.''What's your favorite part of your day?" I didn't even understand the question at first, so he had to explain what he meant. "I dunno, lunch I guess." I was noncommittal in my answer because at the time there wasn't really any good part in my day. He followed up: "So does your family all have lunch together and take a break from school?" And I honestly explained that lunch was me scrounging food by myself, by myself just like the rest of my day. And that there wasn't anything cooked for us or any food that was designated for lunch like the ingredients for sandwiches. I didn't add that after lunch sometimes we would arbitrarily get chewed out by my mom for eating "dad's tuna" or "too many bagels."

I think this person may have later encouraged my parents to attend parenting classes at the church, but that's just a guess. Certainly they wouldn't have gone without some social pressure. The class was based on the Ezzo's "Reaching the Heart of Your Teen" and so it was problematic, but honestly it could have been a big improvement in my life because of the sheer lack of any attention before. The main thing I remember coming from that class was this conversation with my mom:

Mom: "So, what love language do you think is your main one?"
Me:  "Quality time." (I had realized that when she told me she loved me I didn't believe it, and that I didn't feel cared for when she hugged me, so I assumed the form of love I wasn't getting must be the one I liked best.)
Mom: "Ooooohhh, you picked the hardest one."

3.  Doctors. The tiny local Christian school let homeschoolers join their sports teams. This was one of the only ways I socialized in high school, in a structure sports practice girls-only Christian-only environment. The school required two sports physicals for me. My mom insisted in coming into the exam room with me and the doctor the first time. He was nice to me and told me I had good ankles for cross country. He also made sure we talked about my nascent sexual development and even birth control, though my mom tried to blow him off.  She changed doctors. The next lady, a nurse practitioner, didn't let my mom in the room. Points for her. She didn't believe that I wasn't sexually active so she used her hands to feel my abdomen and make sure I wasn't pregnant and made me give a urine sample, but she didn't try to talk to me to find out if I was safe. I never saw her again either.

4.  Mrs. Uber-mom. There was a very generous nurse mom in our church who also homeschooled. She was constantly adopting strays, including letting a women with cancer die in her home. She was one of the only people who was kind to me. She told my mom that she had to take my brother to the doctor after his foot was broken for three days. My mom fought with this friend and stopped seeing her, like she eventually does with all her friends. It wouldn't surprise me if some of this was related to her opinions about my parents choices. Now Mrs. Uber-mom is going through a hard time and I really wish I could be there to help.

There are some others - the babysitter who noticed I couldn't see without glasses, the friend who helped me stage a conversation in front of my parents about a health problem, so that they would be embarrassed and take me for needed treatment. (It worked.) The dentist who confronted my mom about our obvious neglect. By the way, all this medical neglect happened while we lived in the nicest house of anyone I knew at the time. It wasn't about poverty, it was about shitty priorities.

I am thankful that there were some people around who noticed that my siblings and I needed help. But I also wonder what stopped them from doing more. I want to ask them to explain to me what was more important to them than protecting children. We were a mess, clearly, visibly.