Saturday, November 9, 2013

Declaration of Interconnectedness

An assertion of independence. Whether it's careful planned or quick and dirty, I'm realizing that this is a very American way of dealing with cultural tensions. We value freedom of expression and chosen communities built around commonalities. But when you find yourself unintentionally on the fringe of the community that was your childhood home, you realize there are some downsides to this way of doing things. 

I've spent a lot of time thinking about leaving the community my parents chose. Why don't I just broadcast my disapproval? For years I've fantasized about this and also hesitated to pull the trigger. I've already moved away and stopped attending church and being homeschooled.  I'm already out of the environment to all appearances. So I guess I think more about publicly realigning my cultural allegiance.

No one I know would ever ask someone from another culture to completely reject their culture of origin out of hand because of its problems. But people don't know how to deal with the real value conflicts that arise between cultures. Especially not when the "other" culture is inhabited by people who don't look "other". That makes it so much easier to reject their religious practice and weird social structures. 

Fundamentalist communities are fully formed cultures, with traditions, mythologies, social structures, and varying degrees of synthesis with American culture. Until I was an adult I knew no other way of living or relating to the world. It was a painful environment for me to grow up, because I was constantly hearing that it was not ok to be me, and I would love to take that painful experience away from other kids. But I don't believe any culture is wholly good or bad, including the one I came from.

So many traditional cultures around the world are toxic to women or oppress people with differences, but also have strong values of responsibility to family and community that are protective. What do you do with that mix of bad and good? People are going to deal with it in different ways. That's fine. Staying connected might allow you to save important relationships. On a practical level, I think that entirely unplugging from the community puts you in a very difficult rhetorical position to change the community. 

At some point there might be a tipping point where it's hard to be in the community and ask for change, and then you go. 

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