Tuesday, October 29, 2013

Things that help

I have been listening in to the stories at Homeschoolers Anonymous and other blogs of former students of homeschooling and children of fundamentalism. It seems like a lot of us have had to struggle through processing painful memories and experiences alone, at least for part of our stories.

The things that are helping me the most are safe relationships and therapy. But I know that those resources aren't always the most accessible thing for everyone. Just in case it helps, here are some other resources or tools that I found useful:

1.  Legacy of the Heart: The Spiritual Advantages of a Painful Childhood by Wayne Muller

I would translate the author's use of "spiritual" here to mean something like personal strength - there's some inspiration here from many religious traditions without dogma. This reads like a hug. It was the right thing for me when I was feeling overwhelmed by grief about my experiences. It also has some guided meditation practices that you can try or just skip over.

2.  Lovingkindness meditation

Fill up your days with more thoughts of kindness to yourself and people you love. I found this to be true:

 "Expressing gratitude to our benefactors is a natural form of love. In fact, some people find lovingkindness for themselves so hard, they begin their practice with a benefactor. This too is fine. The rule in lovingkindness practice is to follow the way that most easily opens your heart."

3. Exercise

Reaching fitness goals and feeling physically stronger for the first time had a surprising impact when I first started on my journey, and still makes a big difference. Partly because it can help lift my anxiety and depression, but also because I am focusing on what my body is able to do in the world instead of how well I appear to be filling a feminine role. Training for my first race was also probably the first time that I changed my fundamental idea of myself. I went from non-athlete to athletic like magic. (Ok, there were some very non-magical moments along the way, but you get my idea.) In a very concrete way it increased my sense of agency and opened the door for other efforts at attempting new things and trying on new identities.

Running is free, and there are also some free yoga resources - this site has a free full length weekly yoga video, or Tara Stiles yoga stuff is also good.

Your turn - what helps you?

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